So I am brushing away the tears from my eyes after reading the blog “Morning Story & Dilbert.” I am a practicing Christian. I struggle just like any believer of any faith, but I still know Jesus as my savior.
After my marriage I felt as if I had drifted away from the church and the daily habits that helped me maintain a channel open to God. It worried me.
I spent most of my teen years going to church, flipping through the Bible and letting more devoted and vocal followers color my perception of what I was reading. It wasn’t until the end of my first marriage that I realized I was a Bible scholar, not a Christian.
The difference? Head knowledge vs. heart knowledge. There is an old adage around the church community, “Many people have head knowledge of Jesus and his life, but few of those people have had a personal experience with him.” For those who roll their eyes and scoff at the idea of having an experience with something they can’t see. All I can tell you is, if you meet a true Christian a person who honestly believes what Christ taught, you will see something… Other worldly and genuine. I can’t put it into words, but it is a real experience. It just might lead you to explore your own relationship with Christ.
I felt this as I read “Morning Story” I felt the tug of conviction. Whether these are collected blog posts from other sources or not there is a definite eye for genuineness.
But I’ve never been good with sermons. And I honestly didn’t plan on giving one, but my reason for writing this is the post “the Flower.” I have it in my Twitter feed if you’re interested. (@UrtonBw)
Anyway, this post was the story of a pastor who was approached by a little boy. The boy asked for his lapel flower. When the pastor asked about his interest, the boy said he wanted to give it to his grandmother for taking him in.
This post, hit home for me. As I mentioned earlier, my first marriage ended in divorce. I am now remarried and wonderfully blessed!
But in those dark days of divorce, it was my grandparents who took me in. I lived with them for six months. I tried to be useful and I tried my best to express my gratitude. When I had worked long enough to move into my own place, I left knowing I was in God’s will and that this path would always lead me to the places I belonged.
This has held true. But recently my grandparents have ran into some challenges. I won’t go into great detail, but I will say they are health related.
Grandpa is a retired preacher (if there is such a thing) and Grandma has been his steady, resilient partner in this life. They have served God together and raised six unique and self-reliant children (they always say I am the 7th.)
I know that bodies wear out, that minds slowly slip away. I also know that I am not the first to watch someone they love crumble into dust before their eyes. But I had hoped, I had prayed that God would have called them home before this misery had started.
But to quote my grandmother,
We don’t always
get our druthers.
I of course knew what she meant by this, but I had always thought she would some how side step it. The young girl who married at 17 and raised all her children alone while Grandpa traveled with the Union to provide for them would be granted a graceful exit.
But it looks like I’m wrong. I wonder if I will ever be able to express my love for them. I know that she isn’t on her deathbed, far from it, but I hate to see her suffer.
I always thought if I could be half the woman she is, I would have had a successful life. I still feel that way, but I see that everyone’s life is cloaked in mystery. We really can’t have our druthers, no matter how much we deserve them in human eyes.